Actual Eighteenth-Century Novels, and the Movies They Will Inspire

Recently, a list of titles of 18th-century novels — then still basically a relatively new phenomenon — surfaced online. Through cunning, wit, and the deep pockets of the Nuttycombe Foundation, I have acquired the motion picture rights to all 100 of these important, seminal, and public domain works. Here are posters for the first productions, followed by the list, with an explanation of which actors and directors are already attached to turn these tomes of wonder into cinematic magic. You’re welcome.


  • The Adventures Of An Irish Smock, Interspersed With Whimsical Anecdotes Of A Nankeen Pair Of Breeches. (This is a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants reboot. Amber Tamblyn, Alexis Bledel, America Ferrera, Blake Lively, Jenna Boyd.)
  • The Adventures Of An Ostrich Feather Of Quality. (Voice of Patton Oswalt)
  • The Adventures Of A Watch! (Mythbusters episode)
  • The Affecting History Of Two Young Gentlewomen, Who Were Ruined By Their Excessive Attachment To The Amusements Of The Town. To Which Are Added, Many Practical Notes, By Dr. Typo. (Susan Sarandon, Geena Davis)
  • Amorous Tales Of The Chaste Loves Of Peter The Long. (Mark Wahlberg, Julianne Moore, Burt Reynolds)
  • Any Thing But What You Expect. (Tom Hanks directs this sequel to That Thing You Do.)
  • Argal; Or The Silver Devil, Being The Adventures Of An Evil Spirit, Comprising A Series Of Interesting Anecdotes, With Which The Demon Became Acquainted, During His Confinement In The Metalline Substance To Which He Was Condemned. Related By Himself. (Directed by M. Night Shyamalan.)
  • Astonishment!!! (Directed by Teller)
  • Atrocities Of A Convent. (Cate Blanchett, Meryl Streep)
  • The Bachelor’s Journal, Inscribed (Without Permission) To The Girls Of England. (Russell Brand, Keira Knightly)
  • The Charms Of Dandyism; Or Living In Style. By Olivia Moreland, Chief Of The Female Dandies. (Paul Rudd, Olivia Wilde)
  • Conviction; Or, She Is Innocent! (Hilary Swank)
  • Cuckoldom Triumphant Or, Matrimonial Incontinence Vindicated. (Fifty Shades of Grey sequel.)
  • The Egg, Or The Memoirs Of Gregory Giddy, Esq: With The Lucubrations Of Messrs. Francis Flimsy, Frederick Florid, And Ben Bombast. To Which Are Added, The Private Opinions Of Patty Pout, Lucy Luscious, And Priscilla Positive. Also The Memoirs Of A Right Honourable Puppy. Conceived By A Celebrated Hen, And Laid Before The Public By A Famous Cock-Feeder. (Adam Sandler, Kevin James, David Spade, Chris Rock)
  • Fashionable Infidelity. (Glenn Close, Michael Douglas)
  • The Fault Was All His Own. In A Series Of Letters. By A Lady. (Zoe Kazan, Paul Dano)
  • Flim-Flams! Or, The Life And Errors Of My Uncle, And The Amours Of My Aunt! With Illustrations And Obscurities, By Messieurs Tag, Rag, And Bobtail. With An Illuminating Index! (Seth Rogan, Mellissa McCarthy)
  • The Freebooter Of The Alps. (Jason Statham)
  • The Genuine And Entertaining Memoirs Of A Well-Known Woman Of Intrigue. Written By Herself. (Angelina Jolie)
  • Good Men Of Modern Date. A Satirical Tale. (James Franco, Jonah Hill.)
  • He’s Always In The Way. (Nia Long, Tyrese Gibson)
  • Hesitation; Or, To Marry, Or, Not To Marry? (Kate Hudson, Chris Pratt)
  • The History Of A Dog. Written By Himself, And Published By A Gentleman Of His Acquaintance. Translated From The French. (Voice of Martin Short, Jr. This is a reboot of the Beethoven series.)
  • Home. A Novel. Expect Not A Story Deck’d In The Garb Of Fancy,—But Look At Home. (Diane Keaton, Michael Keaton, Jack Nicholson. Directed by Nancy Meyers)
  • How It Happened That I Was Born. (Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett)
  • Human Beings. (Directed by Rob Reiner)
  • Husband Hunters!!! (Cameron Diaz, Ann Hathaway. Written by Aline Brosh McKenna)
  • “I Can’t Afford It.” And Other Tales. (Sarah Jessica Parker, Katherine Heigl. Written by Aline Brosh McKenna
  • The Imaginary Adultress. (Rob Schneider)
  • A Lesson For Husbands. (Gabrielle Union, Nia Long, Kevin Hart. Directed by Tyler Perry.)
  • The Libertines; Or, Monkish Mysteries! (Seth Rogan, James Franco)
  • The Life And Extraordinary Adventures, The Perils And Critical Escapes Of Timothy Ginnadrake, That Child Of Checquered Fortune. (Jason Statham)
  • Love And Madness. A Story Too True. In A Series Of Letters Between Parties Whose Names Would Perhaps Be Mentioned Were They Less Well Known Or Less Lamented. (Emma Thompson, Colin Firth)
  • The Marchioness!!! Or, “The Matured Enchantress.” (Michelle Pfeiffer, Alec Baldwin)
  • Married Life; Or, Faults On All Sides. (Jill Scott, Michael Jai White, Tyler Perry.)
  • Matrimony, The Height Of Bliss, Or The Extreme Of Misery. (Pierce Bronson, Julianne Moore.)
  • Memoirs Of An Old Wig. (Chevy Chase)
  • Modern Seduction, Or Innocence Betrayed: Consisting Of Several Histories Of The Principal Magdalens, Received Into That Charity Since Its Establishment. Very Proper To Be Read By All Young Persons; As They Exhibit A Faithful Picture Of Those Arts Most Fatal To Youth And Innocence; And Of Those Miseries That Are The Never-Ending Consequences Of A Departure From Virtue. (Jennifer Lawrence)
  • More Ghosts! (Jim Belushi, Dan Aykroyd)
  • The Mysterious Pregnancy. (Rachel McAdams)
  • No Enthusiasm. (Larry David)
  • Nothing New. (Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore)
  • A Novel Of Novel Kind—An Evening’s Amusement For Yourself And Friends, At Which Every One Is Invited To Laugh, But No One Obliged To Cry. (Ryan Gosling, Michelle Williams)
  • Parents And Wives; Or, Inconsistency And Mistakes. (Steve Martin, Goldie Hawn)
  • The Peaceful Villa, An Eventful Tale. (Diane Lane)
  • Realities, Not A Novel. A Tale From Real Life. (Paranormal Activities reboot)
  • Says She To Her Neighbour, What? By An Old-Fashioned Englishman. (A Spike Lee Joint)
  • Secrets In Every Mansion. (Ethan Hawke)
  • Socrates Out Of His Senses. (Russell Crowe)
  • “There Is A Secret, Find It Out!” (M. Night Shamalan)
  • The Three Monks!!! From The French. (Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Martin Short)
  • The Tutor Of Truth By The Author Of The Pupil Of Pleasure &C &C. (Sequel to the reboot of Fifty Shades of Grey.)
  • Who’s The Murderer? (Jeff Bridges, Annette Benning)
  • Wine And Walnuts. (Judy Dench)
Delighted that Jennifer Lee, the co-director and screenwriter of Disney’s “Frozen,” will be adapting “A Wrinkle in Time” for the big screen. But I hoped that Disney would buy my fan-fiction version, which is so much more fabulous.

Delighted that Jennifer Lee, the co-director and screenwriter of Disney’s “Frozen,” will be adapting “A Wrinkle in Time” for the big screen. But I hoped that Disney would buy my fan-fiction version, which is so much more fabulous.

soundsof71 said: Thanks for the follow! Always glad to see other grown-ups on tumblr. :-) I'm honored! I was a huge fan of the City Paper when I worked in DC in the 80s, subscribed to Mother Jones, grew up loving Bob & Ray, etc etc. Very glad you found me, very happy to follow back. Best, Tim

Oh, thank you! I’m so grown up I remember 1971. Well, I think I do — that’s why I need your tumblr!

This security guard saw something unusual at the Watergate complex. You won’t believe what happened next!
NOTWORTHY.COM

This security guard saw something unusual at the Watergate complex. You won’t believe what happened next!

NOTWORTHY.COM

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"Kissing Nixon: The Erotic Poetry of Charles ‘Bebe’ Rebozo," 1981.

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